Peace in the Uncertainty

As I prepare for my final semester of grad school, I constantly get asked one question: "Got any jobs lined up?"

This question takes many forms: "When are you moving back (refering to IL)?" "What jobs are you looking at?" "What will you be doing after graduation?"

Each time I'm asked this question, that place in the pit of my stomach develops this dull ache. Why do I get this ache? It's simple. I don't have an answer to this question. Well, technically I do because it is "I don't know."

It's a common question to ask a student who is about to graduate. If I weren't about to graduate myself, I'm sure I'd ask other people the same thing. In today's society (and economy), it's dumb not to plan. We all want financial security and we all want confidence in our future lives.

So where is all this anxiety coming from? Is it from not having a job lined up? Is it not sure what kind of job I want? Is it from wanting to move back home to be with my family and friends? Is it from wondering how much I'll miss all the great friends I've made here? Yeah, these questions all add to the anxiety, but they aren't the root. They are more or less the branches of the problem. The root of my anxiety can be traced to one question: "What if I miss God's plan for my life?" or even, "What is God's plan?"

God has always provided that next step in my life. What should I major in? Psychology. What school should I go to? Evangel. Should I stay at Evangel for Grad school? Yes. Where should I work while I'm in school? Here's a position at Evangel.

Sure some of those decisions were not the easiest to make. When I was deciding to stay at Evangel for Grad school, I was really unsure if that is what I wanted. As an undergrad, I was sooo homesick and beginning my senior year, I didn't even know how I would make it through that last year. God telling me I needed to stay resulted in me trying to figure out how I'd last for 2 more years being far away from home. In the end, I was able to make the decision to stay and found peace with it. I ultimately knew I wanted God's plan for my life which meant to stay. I knew He knew how I was feeling about missing my family and friends, but I also knew He would help me through. Looking back, I'd say my current anxiety level is 100 times worse than it was then.

Looking at it logically, trusting God should be easy. He's all powerful, all knowing. He also knows the best plan for your life. He's always going to take care of you. It wasn't that difficult for me in trusting God when it came to previous decision about the next step in my life. I think it was because I knew that next step. Now is a different story. I don't know the next step. Taking a look at all of the stories in the Bible, I should know I need to just place all my trust in God even more in this uncertainty.

I think that God might be using this time of uncertainty to teach me just that. Trust Him. I'm reminded of Abraham and his uncertainty of the future. God just told him to go. "Go." He didn't say where to, or how far. He just said "Go." I wonder if Abraham had this same feeling in the pit of his stomach that I have now... Abraham went, trusting in God. He didn't need to know where, or how far. God knew. I don't need to know where to go after graduation. God knows.

There should be peace in that knowledge. Peace that the all knowing and powerful and amazing and great and big God knows the plan He has laid out for me. I don't need to know. If I knew, maybe I'd be so excited about it that it would be all I could concentrate on. Maybe I wouldn't be focused on my last semester. Maybe I would be thinking so much about the future that I wouldn't take the time to enjoy the present and miss out on fun time with friends. Maybe there doesn't even need to be a reason for me to not know. He's God.

So for now, I'm working on handing over this anxiety and in return latching onto God's peace.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by praryer and petition, with thanksgiving, presnt your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understadnign , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."