As I get closer to graduation, I begin to feel overwhelmed. I am very excited about moving back home to be closer to my family and friends, but at the same time I'm saddened by the fact that I'd be leaving North Point, my friends, and even my coworkers here. I am also excited about the fact that I will have so much free time because I won't have classes and internship. No longer will I worry about on the weekends getting homework done or studying for a test. After work, I'll be able to relax. I'll be able to cook real dinners and eat real food and no longer live off of fast food.
At the same time of feeling all the excitement, I also am scared to death. Where am I going to find a job? Will I be able to find one back home? How long will that take? Will I move back home and not be able to move out on my own right away? Will I have my Master's degree and license and be living with my parents as they pay for all my bills? Should I move back home right after graduation? Should I stay at least for the summer so I can build up my savings and pay off my student loans before moving back? What do I even want to do with my degree? Do I still want to be a counselor? Do I just want to teach psychology? Will I be able to find a job in my field or will I be stuck working minimum wage as an office secretary? Is this when my life will actually begin?
I could go on and on with these questions. And as I do, I get this huge knot in my stomach. Up until this point I haven't really had to worry about what I'm going to do since all I knew was to go to school. 19 years of my life have been spent sitting in the classroom (yes I included kindergarten). God has opened up so many doors for me. I have no doubt that I'm on His path for my life. But as I inch closer and closer to graduation, I'm inching closer to closer to the end of what I can see of this path. For the first time in my life I can't say where I'll be in 5 years or even in 1 year.
I was thinking about this all last night. Up until this point, I have allowed God to guide my life. Is moving back home my plan or God's plan? I'm at a point where I don't know what God wants me to do after graduation. In my last class of the evening last night, we were talking licensure in other states other than MO. I've looked up the info in order to get my license back home. Of course I'm still waiting for my advisor to take a look at the information I found and confirm that I will be able to get my license back home with the education and experience I've gotten. From what I can tell from my own research, the only thing I'd need to really do extra is take a Substance Abuse class which isn't currently offered here. Last night Dr. Grant began talking about how he wished we offered that class and he apologized to all of us for it not being offered. He also talked about how he found someone who is willing to teach the class and if there is enough interest, they may offer it at the beginning of the summer semester and if we want to take it, we can still graduate in May and then take the class. Is God trying to tell me something? If I need this class in order to be eligible for my LPC back home, shouldn't I just stick around here for at least the beginning of the summer to take it instead of moving home right away and then having to get special permission at another school to pick up this course at a later time?
So many questions and fears. I'm almost ready to join the real world in full force. Am I going to be satisfied with what I do? The last thing I want to do is get this far in the path God has laid out only to jump off now.
So if you get to talking to me in the next several months and you ask me when I'm moving back home or if I am moving back home or what I'm going to do with my degree, I may just look down and not answer because at this point there is no definite answer. I don't know. I'm still waiting for further instruction from God.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
"Order in the Court!"
In my Bible reading I have gotten to the book of Judges (yeah, I'm a little behind on my goal of the year...but that's not my point). As I was reading this morning all I could think was, "man, I love this book." Here's the jist of the book (like most of the old testament): Joshua dies. Israelites mess up. God allows other nations to take them captive. God appoints a judge to deliver them and get them back on track. Israelites mess up. God allows other nations to take them captive. God appoints a new judge to deliver them and get them back on track. Etc.
So what do I like so much about the book? It's not that I love watching the Israelites screw up (although it makes me feel not as bad about my screw ups). What I like about the book is all the opportunities God gives them to get back on track and how he uses ordinary people to lead them.
One of my favorite stories in Judges is from chapters 6 and 7, the story of Gideon. When God called upon Gideon, Gideon didn't understand why God would choose him.
God was able to use Gideon. First he had him destroy the alters and idols of his father, then he wanted Gideon to lead an army to defeat the Midianites. One of the things I found interesting is all the tests Gideon did to make sure God was who He said He was and that He will deliver them from the Midianites. God did everything Gideon requested. Sometimes I want to be able to ask that of God. I always ask for signs...but most of the time He has already given them to me and I just haven't noticed.
Another interesting thing I find in this story is of course how God uses Gideon to defeat the Midianites. Gideon had a huge army and would have had no problem winning a battle based on numbers alone. What did God do? He made Gideon decrease the size of his army...twice. Gideon had only 300 men after starting out with 32 thousand. That takes a lot of faith to give up those kind of numbers and leave a measly 300 ment. After all of that, Gideon's army didn't even fight the Midianites. All they did was break pots and blew trumpets and the Midianites attacked themselves. I think God did this to show that He truely is the one that delivered Israel.
I think this story makes me realize the power of God is bigger than anything I can do. When I wonder why or how God can use me, I need to remember it's God working through me.
So what do I like so much about the book? It's not that I love watching the Israelites screw up (although it makes me feel not as bad about my screw ups). What I like about the book is all the opportunities God gives them to get back on track and how he uses ordinary people to lead them.
One of my favorite stories in Judges is from chapters 6 and 7, the story of Gideon. When God called upon Gideon, Gideon didn't understand why God would choose him.
Judges 6:15 "But Lord," Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."
God was able to use Gideon. First he had him destroy the alters and idols of his father, then he wanted Gideon to lead an army to defeat the Midianites. One of the things I found interesting is all the tests Gideon did to make sure God was who He said He was and that He will deliver them from the Midianites. God did everything Gideon requested. Sometimes I want to be able to ask that of God. I always ask for signs...but most of the time He has already given them to me and I just haven't noticed.
Another interesting thing I find in this story is of course how God uses Gideon to defeat the Midianites. Gideon had a huge army and would have had no problem winning a battle based on numbers alone. What did God do? He made Gideon decrease the size of his army...twice. Gideon had only 300 men after starting out with 32 thousand. That takes a lot of faith to give up those kind of numbers and leave a measly 300 ment. After all of that, Gideon's army didn't even fight the Midianites. All they did was break pots and blew trumpets and the Midianites attacked themselves. I think God did this to show that He truely is the one that delivered Israel.
I think this story makes me realize the power of God is bigger than anything I can do. When I wonder why or how God can use me, I need to remember it's God working through me.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I Don't Wanna.....
So my blog today is inspired by my lack of motivation to complete tasks the past couple of weeks...
Here at work (yes I'm going to start some financial aid talk) we have been using and developing all new processes for paying out aid since we had to switch to the Direct Loan program (if you don't know what it is, do some research on Google). Since it is all new for me and my coworker, we constantly have to call over to the processing office at the Department of Ed for loans with questions. The frustrating part is that you get different answers depending on who you talk to. Of course this is due to the fact they have a buttload of new workers to take on the increase of work due to every school in the country switching to Direct Loans and its hard to train people that quickly. My coworker and I constantly complain about our frustration. "They don't know what they are talking about," "The guy wouldn't even let me ask the question before telling me it's not their issue but our system."
Tuesday my coworker was put on hold while calling this processing office for a while. She took a look at her email on her phone while patiently wating (and by patiently waiting I mean she was emailing me and complaining). She then saw an email forward she had received and forwarded it to me. It was a daily devotion and the verse of the day was Philippians 2:14,
I find myself complaining a lot. Just last week I was complaining that I had to sit in class and miss the new episodes of some of my favorite tv shows (Big Bang Theory and the Office). I was complaining because not only did I have a rough day at work and internship, but I came home late to a freezer door standing wide open with everything melted and thawed out thanks to a crazy cat that meant I had to clean out the freezer and buy all new food to replace what was ruined. I was complaining because I am just so exhausted and just want sleep. My complaining had gotten worse...normally I just complain to those around me and the occasional tweet, but the complaining had now shown itself to every other tweet. All last Thursday my tweets had one theme: I just want to be at home watching tv and not sitting in this lame class. Was the class really lame? No, not at all. If I had been focusing in class, I would have learned some valuable information that I will need in my future career. At the time I considered it lame because I wasn't able to do what I wanted instead. I was like the little kid who wasn't getting her way with her arms folded and stomping her foot saying in the most obnoxious, whiney voice possible, "But I don't wanna!"
God has called me to school to become a counselor. He has provided me with a wonderful job that helps pay for school and other bills and also have benefits. He has provided me with a great internship that works around my job and class schedule. Did he call me to complain about these blessings just because I'm exhausted, grouchy, or missing out on hanging out with friends or watching my favorite tv shows (I really can just catch up watching them online too...)?
Instead of complaining about all the stuff on my plate, I should embrace it. God called me to do something, and I should do it whole-heartedly, not half-heartedly. As I think about my semester of classes, I began to realize how much I love my classes this fall. I'm learning to apply everything that I've been taught the past 5 years of psychology classes. My Thursday night class is teaching me how to diagnose. Not only is it interesting, it's probably one of the most useful things I need to know when it comes to meeting with future clients.
One of the things I'm working with one of my internship clients about is changing her perspectives on current situations. I'm trying to get her to see the good side of situations that she sees as horrible. Some of the current situations may not be the best, but finding a way to see a positive side of it helps take the focus on the negative. If all she sees is the negative, then life will be miserable and without hope. I think I need to take a step back and listen to what I tell some of my clients. I need to "practice what I preach."
Sorry God, I complain a lot. Here you've blessed me with so much, and I find ways to complain about it. Help turn my attitude around and embrace your blessings.
Here at work (yes I'm going to start some financial aid talk) we have been using and developing all new processes for paying out aid since we had to switch to the Direct Loan program (if you don't know what it is, do some research on Google). Since it is all new for me and my coworker, we constantly have to call over to the processing office at the Department of Ed for loans with questions. The frustrating part is that you get different answers depending on who you talk to. Of course this is due to the fact they have a buttload of new workers to take on the increase of work due to every school in the country switching to Direct Loans and its hard to train people that quickly. My coworker and I constantly complain about our frustration. "They don't know what they are talking about," "The guy wouldn't even let me ask the question before telling me it's not their issue but our system."
Tuesday my coworker was put on hold while calling this processing office for a while. She took a look at her email on her phone while patiently wating (and by patiently waiting I mean she was emailing me and complaining). She then saw an email forward she had received and forwarded it to me. It was a daily devotion and the verse of the day was Philippians 2:14,
"Do everything without complaining."How fitting for the current situation?
Philippians 2:14-16 "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold outthe word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing."
I find myself complaining a lot. Just last week I was complaining that I had to sit in class and miss the new episodes of some of my favorite tv shows (Big Bang Theory and the Office). I was complaining because not only did I have a rough day at work and internship, but I came home late to a freezer door standing wide open with everything melted and thawed out thanks to a crazy cat that meant I had to clean out the freezer and buy all new food to replace what was ruined. I was complaining because I am just so exhausted and just want sleep. My complaining had gotten worse...normally I just complain to those around me and the occasional tweet, but the complaining had now shown itself to every other tweet. All last Thursday my tweets had one theme: I just want to be at home watching tv and not sitting in this lame class. Was the class really lame? No, not at all. If I had been focusing in class, I would have learned some valuable information that I will need in my future career. At the time I considered it lame because I wasn't able to do what I wanted instead. I was like the little kid who wasn't getting her way with her arms folded and stomping her foot saying in the most obnoxious, whiney voice possible, "But I don't wanna!"
God has called me to school to become a counselor. He has provided me with a wonderful job that helps pay for school and other bills and also have benefits. He has provided me with a great internship that works around my job and class schedule. Did he call me to complain about these blessings just because I'm exhausted, grouchy, or missing out on hanging out with friends or watching my favorite tv shows (I really can just catch up watching them online too...)?
"Do everything without complaining."I think these things I've listed fall under the everything category.
Instead of complaining about all the stuff on my plate, I should embrace it. God called me to do something, and I should do it whole-heartedly, not half-heartedly. As I think about my semester of classes, I began to realize how much I love my classes this fall. I'm learning to apply everything that I've been taught the past 5 years of psychology classes. My Thursday night class is teaching me how to diagnose. Not only is it interesting, it's probably one of the most useful things I need to know when it comes to meeting with future clients.
One of the things I'm working with one of my internship clients about is changing her perspectives on current situations. I'm trying to get her to see the good side of situations that she sees as horrible. Some of the current situations may not be the best, but finding a way to see a positive side of it helps take the focus on the negative. If all she sees is the negative, then life will be miserable and without hope. I think I need to take a step back and listen to what I tell some of my clients. I need to "practice what I preach."
Sorry God, I complain a lot. Here you've blessed me with so much, and I find ways to complain about it. Help turn my attitude around and embrace your blessings.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Crazy Love
So for the past 8 months I have been attempting to read "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It's not that the book is hard to read, it's just I haven't had much time for pleasure reading. So after several months of not reading it, I picked it up again last night. The few chapters I read were really inspirational. Since I haven't blogged for a while, I figured I might as well blog about my thought and reactions. Hopefully this won't be too informal of a blog for you and I don't miss the author's point...because apparently reflection papers (I mean blogs) are not about having opinions and arguments that aren't on target with the reader's interpretation. (Sorry, a little bitterness attached to reflection papers from a class this summer that were given poor grades).
The main idea I got from the chapters I read is in what way am I showing love to God? The people who are most important in my life receive most of my attention. They are the people who I'll wake up at 4:30 in the morning to take to the airport, the people who I take out to dinner when they are having a rough day or week, the people who I set aside all other priorties for. When it comes to God, do I do those things? Sure I go to church a couple times a week, volunteer and help out with youth, live out my faith (to the best of my ability) in my interactions at work, school, home,and social outings. I show people love, grace, and patience (although there are times where I fail miserably with these things). I pray everyday and am sure to give God praise where praise is due. I am doing my best to live out the life that God has called me to. But do I really show Him how important He is to me? When I get busy and stressed, what is the first thing I let go to get stuff done? Is it an hour or two of my bedtime or morning? Is it my random movie nights with friends or Halo time with Sarah? I mean there are times I let these things go in order to get what needs to be done, done. But are they the first? I have found that the first thing I give up for extra time is my own personal alone time with God.
Whoa! That thought just hit me like a bag of bricks. My alone time with God is the first thing I give up in order to have more time for the other activities in my life. Granted God has called me to school, and wants me to work as if I'm working for Him. But did He call me to give up my alone time with Him? From my experience and what I have learned through church and Bible classes, God absolutely loves me and loves spending time with me. I know this, and nothing is going to change that. But do I show Him that I love Him and love spending time with Him no matter what and nothing is going to change that? Chan gave the example in his book of his little girl running out of the house to greet him in the driveway when he would come home. Do I act that way to God? I know I used to do that with my dad when I was little, but it doesn't seem I'm acting that way towards God. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. If I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am at today.
Basically, the point I'm trying to make is that I need, no, I WANT to be that little girl with God. When it comes to having a busy life, God should remain my number one priority. I should strive for that time alone with Him. If He was my best friend, I would wake up at 4:30AM just to take Him to the airport even though my sleep time is precious to me. I think my goal this next week (that if I achieve, I'll be sure to continue for longer than a week) will be to wake up even 30 min earlier (or more) just to have time to spend with God. I know I'm not a morning person...I'm probably one of the grouchiest people first thing, and I'm not at my best. Does God care if I'm not running full steam? No, He loves me. I need to show it to Him. He wants my worst and my best. I think He wants me to be able to sacrifice something that I hold dear (yes, sleep is that important to me) just to spend time with Him.
So here I go. I'm running after God in every area of my life. I'm not allowing other priorities (although they are important and God does want me to have them) to get in the way of my number one priority. God is in the driveway, getting out of His car as I leave the window running full steam out the door to greet Him.
The main idea I got from the chapters I read is in what way am I showing love to God? The people who are most important in my life receive most of my attention. They are the people who I'll wake up at 4:30 in the morning to take to the airport, the people who I take out to dinner when they are having a rough day or week, the people who I set aside all other priorties for. When it comes to God, do I do those things? Sure I go to church a couple times a week, volunteer and help out with youth, live out my faith (to the best of my ability) in my interactions at work, school, home,and social outings. I show people love, grace, and patience (although there are times where I fail miserably with these things). I pray everyday and am sure to give God praise where praise is due. I am doing my best to live out the life that God has called me to. But do I really show Him how important He is to me? When I get busy and stressed, what is the first thing I let go to get stuff done? Is it an hour or two of my bedtime or morning? Is it my random movie nights with friends or Halo time with Sarah? I mean there are times I let these things go in order to get what needs to be done, done. But are they the first? I have found that the first thing I give up for extra time is my own personal alone time with God.
Whoa! That thought just hit me like a bag of bricks. My alone time with God is the first thing I give up in order to have more time for the other activities in my life. Granted God has called me to school, and wants me to work as if I'm working for Him. But did He call me to give up my alone time with Him? From my experience and what I have learned through church and Bible classes, God absolutely loves me and loves spending time with me. I know this, and nothing is going to change that. But do I show Him that I love Him and love spending time with Him no matter what and nothing is going to change that? Chan gave the example in his book of his little girl running out of the house to greet him in the driveway when he would come home. Do I act that way to God? I know I used to do that with my dad when I was little, but it doesn't seem I'm acting that way towards God. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. If I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am at today.
Basically, the point I'm trying to make is that I need, no, I WANT to be that little girl with God. When it comes to having a busy life, God should remain my number one priority. I should strive for that time alone with Him. If He was my best friend, I would wake up at 4:30AM just to take Him to the airport even though my sleep time is precious to me. I think my goal this next week (that if I achieve, I'll be sure to continue for longer than a week) will be to wake up even 30 min earlier (or more) just to have time to spend with God. I know I'm not a morning person...I'm probably one of the grouchiest people first thing, and I'm not at my best. Does God care if I'm not running full steam? No, He loves me. I need to show it to Him. He wants my worst and my best. I think He wants me to be able to sacrifice something that I hold dear (yes, sleep is that important to me) just to spend time with Him.
So here I go. I'm running after God in every area of my life. I'm not allowing other priorities (although they are important and God does want me to have them) to get in the way of my number one priority. God is in the driveway, getting out of His car as I leave the window running full steam out the door to greet Him.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Created With a Purpose
I have been wanting to blog for quite sometime now, and just haven't really found the time. Better late than never, right?
I wanted to start this post off with a verse.
Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
When I think about everything that can happen to a baby while it is still being formed in the womb. I think about all the miscarrages that happen. I think about all the complex processes that have to take place, all the chromsones that determine each little thing. How is none of this not purposeful? God knit each one of us. He formed us with a plan in mind.
I love watching Little House on the Prairie. I love the simplicity of life during that time period. One of my favorite episodes is where Laura tries to change herself in order to gain the attention of the boy she has a crush on. Of course her attempts end in embarrassment, but she is trying to be more like her older sister Mary who always has boys flocking after her. Ma, in her wisdom, gives this advice to Laura: "God must love Laura Ingalls and aweful lot to go through all that trouble creating her. I wonder how he feels when she tries to go acting like someone else?" It's true though. Often times I sit there and think, "if only I could do that like so and so" or, "if only I was able to do this or that as a kid." The fact is God made me me. He didn't make me like anyone else. He gave me certain gifts and talents and not others. If my life would be better with different qualities and talents and abilities, He would have created me with those things. The fact is, God has a specific purpose and plan for my life. That is why He created me the way He did. There was one day in class last semester when a friend was talking about how if she had the personality of another student. My first response was, "God didn't go through the trouble making a Shelby just to have her acting like a Bri." Needless to say, I spend too much time watching Little House on the Prairie. But when I think about it, we all have those people in our lives that we wish we could be more like. I'm not saying that we should give up trying to better ourselves, but what I'm saying is be happy and content with what we have been given. God has given each person strengths we can use.
I'm starting my internship working at a place that works with those with mental retardation who also suffer from other mental disabilities such as personality disorders. Yesterday I got to meet with some of the guys who will be a part of the group sessions I'll be leading. Each one of those guys have come from a rough background. They come from homes and situations where it would be hard to find hope. God created each and every one of them with a specific purpose. Each one has different talents and abilities. They may not come from the best of environments to foster sucess, but God has equipped them with gifts and talents that they can use to overcome that. God has a plan for each one of them.
Isn't that amazing to think about? God has a specific purpose and plan for my life. He loves me so much, that he formed me in my mother's womb. He had a plan for me long before I was born. I wasn't born, then after seeing what all I can do did God say, "Oh, I know what I can have Amanda do" or "Well Amanda obviously isn't coordinated enough to be some big time athlete so I guess I can't plan for her to be one. What might she be able to do?" No. God created me saying, "I am going to create Amanda for this and this purpose. If people only knew what great things I have in store for her." He says that about each and every one of us.
I hope this post is an ecouragement.
I wanted to start this post off with a verse.
Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
When I think about everything that can happen to a baby while it is still being formed in the womb. I think about all the miscarrages that happen. I think about all the complex processes that have to take place, all the chromsones that determine each little thing. How is none of this not purposeful? God knit each one of us. He formed us with a plan in mind.
I love watching Little House on the Prairie. I love the simplicity of life during that time period. One of my favorite episodes is where Laura tries to change herself in order to gain the attention of the boy she has a crush on. Of course her attempts end in embarrassment, but she is trying to be more like her older sister Mary who always has boys flocking after her. Ma, in her wisdom, gives this advice to Laura: "God must love Laura Ingalls and aweful lot to go through all that trouble creating her. I wonder how he feels when she tries to go acting like someone else?" It's true though. Often times I sit there and think, "if only I could do that like so and so" or, "if only I was able to do this or that as a kid." The fact is God made me me. He didn't make me like anyone else. He gave me certain gifts and talents and not others. If my life would be better with different qualities and talents and abilities, He would have created me with those things. The fact is, God has a specific purpose and plan for my life. That is why He created me the way He did. There was one day in class last semester when a friend was talking about how if she had the personality of another student. My first response was, "God didn't go through the trouble making a Shelby just to have her acting like a Bri." Needless to say, I spend too much time watching Little House on the Prairie. But when I think about it, we all have those people in our lives that we wish we could be more like. I'm not saying that we should give up trying to better ourselves, but what I'm saying is be happy and content with what we have been given. God has given each person strengths we can use.
I'm starting my internship working at a place that works with those with mental retardation who also suffer from other mental disabilities such as personality disorders. Yesterday I got to meet with some of the guys who will be a part of the group sessions I'll be leading. Each one of those guys have come from a rough background. They come from homes and situations where it would be hard to find hope. God created each and every one of them with a specific purpose. Each one has different talents and abilities. They may not come from the best of environments to foster sucess, but God has equipped them with gifts and talents that they can use to overcome that. God has a plan for each one of them.
Isn't that amazing to think about? God has a specific purpose and plan for my life. He loves me so much, that he formed me in my mother's womb. He had a plan for me long before I was born. I wasn't born, then after seeing what all I can do did God say, "Oh, I know what I can have Amanda do" or "Well Amanda obviously isn't coordinated enough to be some big time athlete so I guess I can't plan for her to be one. What might she be able to do?" No. God created me saying, "I am going to create Amanda for this and this purpose. If people only knew what great things I have in store for her." He says that about each and every one of us.
I hope this post is an ecouragement.
Friday, April 9, 2010
So It's Been A While...
I know, I'm slacking off on my blog. I would say I can blame the busyness of life for the reason I haven't blogged since February. Actually that is what I'm saying, I blame my busy life as well as other things.
It's so easy to blame others for our faults or mistakes. I have a tendency to come up with tons of excuses why I did/didn't do something. It is an easy way out. Kind of makes me think of the old Relient K song "Maybelline."
Maybe....maybe it is them, or maybe it's me, or maybe it's maybeline, oh maybe it's maybelline.
It is important to accept the responsibility of messing up. Only once we take ownership of our mistakes can we begin to fix them. Somethings that I need to learn to accept responsibility on is getting homework done in a timely manner. I have a tendency to blame the lack of time when I get things done at the last minute. Or I even blame the teachers for the overabundance of my workload for classes. "If it weren't for the 5 other assignments I have due this week, I would have had more time spend working on this paper...." If I actually took ownership, my thought would be, "If only when I looked ahead on the syllabus to see that I have 5 assignments due in the same week and decide to work on these assignments ahead of time, I would have had more time to spend on this paper. Next time I will know to get this stuff done ahead of time." Taking responsibility will allow me to change things in the future or fix the mistakes in the present.
This can be applied to my spiritual life. "Why haven't you kept up on your Bible reading and prayer time this past month?"
Excuse making: "Well see, last week I had a crazy week at work and when I wasn't working I was doing homework or in class. Then my friends feel like I have abandoned them so I need to spend any free time with them. By the time I get home each evening, I'm ready for bed. It makes it hard to keep up with my devotion time. Maybe when things begin to slow down, I can get back on track."
Accepting responsibility: "I guess when I got really busy the past couple of weeks, I set my devotion time on the back burner until I have time to get to it. Maybe I need to change my perspective on my daily schedule. My relationship with God is very important to me, so spending time in daily devotions should be to. I'm going to start making time in my busy schedule to get back in the routine of a daily devotion, even if it means forfeiting time for other things."
Accepting blame and repsonsibility is a good thing, only when it comes to mistakes where I am at fault. If I accept blame or responsibility for the faults of others or in situations where I have no control, then I am only hurting myself. The hard part is knowning the difference. I think it is the Serenity Prayer that says: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference"
I just keep thinking about the future and what I want to do in life. My goal is to counsel people. The more I sit here and think about it, I begin to stress out thinking about what I am going to do when I have clients who have severe problems. Am I going to be able to help them? What happens if I have a suicidal client and he ends up killing himself despite my best efforts to treat his depression? Will that mean that I have failed? With a job like this, a mistake won't affect material things, a mistake will affect a person's life. I will definitely need God's help in understanding that I do not have the power alone to fix problems in these clients lives. I can only do my best with what training and education I have received to help them. It will be up to the client to change, and of course the help of an all powerful God who can do the impossible.
Being human, I have limitations. There are things that I cannot do, or things I can only do so much. God has no limitations. He can begin working where my limitations begin. Where I have no control, He is in control. I could not receive forgiveness based on my "good deeds"alone. I am human and make mistakes which means ultimately, I deserve death. God sent Jesus to make a way for me to receive forgiveness where I failed. Only through his death, burial, and ressurection could I ever walk in right standing with God.
One of my favorite songs is "In Christ Alone" The lyrics are so powerful! I am going to end this post with the lyrics:
"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"
It's so easy to blame others for our faults or mistakes. I have a tendency to come up with tons of excuses why I did/didn't do something. It is an easy way out. Kind of makes me think of the old Relient K song "Maybelline."
Maybe....maybe it is them, or maybe it's me, or maybe it's maybeline, oh maybe it's maybelline.
It is important to accept the responsibility of messing up. Only once we take ownership of our mistakes can we begin to fix them. Somethings that I need to learn to accept responsibility on is getting homework done in a timely manner. I have a tendency to blame the lack of time when I get things done at the last minute. Or I even blame the teachers for the overabundance of my workload for classes. "If it weren't for the 5 other assignments I have due this week, I would have had more time spend working on this paper...." If I actually took ownership, my thought would be, "If only when I looked ahead on the syllabus to see that I have 5 assignments due in the same week and decide to work on these assignments ahead of time, I would have had more time to spend on this paper. Next time I will know to get this stuff done ahead of time." Taking responsibility will allow me to change things in the future or fix the mistakes in the present.
This can be applied to my spiritual life. "Why haven't you kept up on your Bible reading and prayer time this past month?"
Excuse making: "Well see, last week I had a crazy week at work and when I wasn't working I was doing homework or in class. Then my friends feel like I have abandoned them so I need to spend any free time with them. By the time I get home each evening, I'm ready for bed. It makes it hard to keep up with my devotion time. Maybe when things begin to slow down, I can get back on track."
Accepting responsibility: "I guess when I got really busy the past couple of weeks, I set my devotion time on the back burner until I have time to get to it. Maybe I need to change my perspective on my daily schedule. My relationship with God is very important to me, so spending time in daily devotions should be to. I'm going to start making time in my busy schedule to get back in the routine of a daily devotion, even if it means forfeiting time for other things."
Accepting blame and repsonsibility is a good thing, only when it comes to mistakes where I am at fault. If I accept blame or responsibility for the faults of others or in situations where I have no control, then I am only hurting myself. The hard part is knowning the difference. I think it is the Serenity Prayer that says: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference"
I just keep thinking about the future and what I want to do in life. My goal is to counsel people. The more I sit here and think about it, I begin to stress out thinking about what I am going to do when I have clients who have severe problems. Am I going to be able to help them? What happens if I have a suicidal client and he ends up killing himself despite my best efforts to treat his depression? Will that mean that I have failed? With a job like this, a mistake won't affect material things, a mistake will affect a person's life. I will definitely need God's help in understanding that I do not have the power alone to fix problems in these clients lives. I can only do my best with what training and education I have received to help them. It will be up to the client to change, and of course the help of an all powerful God who can do the impossible.
Being human, I have limitations. There are things that I cannot do, or things I can only do so much. God has no limitations. He can begin working where my limitations begin. Where I have no control, He is in control. I could not receive forgiveness based on my "good deeds"alone. I am human and make mistakes which means ultimately, I deserve death. God sent Jesus to make a way for me to receive forgiveness where I failed. Only through his death, burial, and ressurection could I ever walk in right standing with God.
One of my favorite songs is "In Christ Alone" The lyrics are so powerful! I am going to end this post with the lyrics:
"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Brown Weeks
So last week in my connect group, we were asked to describe our week with a color and then explain why we chose that color. I chose brown. Why? Because I was having what I would consider a crappy week. That week I dealt with a lot of stress between several tests and assignments on top of work and moving into a new bedroom. That Friday I was happy to see the week gone. Of course I wasn't the only one having a crappy week, and I'm sure in comparison to how the week went for others, it wouldn't have seemed so crappy.
This week I'd consider another brown week. I have a tendency to get so self-absorbed in my own life with all the stress involved that I tend to give myself these self pity parties. "Whoa is me! These allergies are making me sick, but I still have to go to these 3 hour long classes. My cat is being a brat. My hot chocolate is all watered down. I have so much to do this weekend for classes." I find it easy to find crappy stuff in my week and become self-absorbed. The thing is, once I began looking around me, other people are going through tough times. Situations people around me are going through make my complaints about a simple watered down hot chocolate seem ridiculous (althought my complaint is really ridiculous). For instance, one of my coworkers' wife just had a miscarriage. Worse than that, she had to still be induced and deliver the baby boy. What a crappy week, month, even year for him and his wife! One of my friends just had a second car accident within a month. What a crappy month for her! Just found out one of my sixth grade girls experienced a break-in of her home while she was there. What a crappy week for her and her family!
These are just a few examples of how other people are going through tougher times than me. Sometimes we (and when I say "we" I mean "me") need to just step outside of ourselves and our concerns and worries and look at other people in our lives. Suddenly my week doesn't look crappy any more. It seems like a pretty good week for me compared to others. Only when I stop looking at what is going on in my life and look at what is happening in the lives of those around me can I begin feeling compassion and concern for others.
Philippians 2: 3-4 says, "Don't be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves." (the rest of that passage is really good, so take a look for yourself)
Wow! What a thought? Caring about others as much as I care about myself....had I been doing that this past week? It isn't that I don't care about others, it is that sometimes I get so caught up in caring about myself that other people are not at the forefront of my mind.
For those of you going through your own brown weeks, here is a verse to encourage you:
"The LORD will hold your hand, and if you stumble, you still won't fall." -Psalm 37:24
I also want to apologize for being self-centered the past week or two. God is working on this in my life.
This week I'd consider another brown week. I have a tendency to get so self-absorbed in my own life with all the stress involved that I tend to give myself these self pity parties. "Whoa is me! These allergies are making me sick, but I still have to go to these 3 hour long classes. My cat is being a brat. My hot chocolate is all watered down. I have so much to do this weekend for classes." I find it easy to find crappy stuff in my week and become self-absorbed. The thing is, once I began looking around me, other people are going through tough times. Situations people around me are going through make my complaints about a simple watered down hot chocolate seem ridiculous (althought my complaint is really ridiculous). For instance, one of my coworkers' wife just had a miscarriage. Worse than that, she had to still be induced and deliver the baby boy. What a crappy week, month, even year for him and his wife! One of my friends just had a second car accident within a month. What a crappy month for her! Just found out one of my sixth grade girls experienced a break-in of her home while she was there. What a crappy week for her and her family!
These are just a few examples of how other people are going through tougher times than me. Sometimes we (and when I say "we" I mean "me") need to just step outside of ourselves and our concerns and worries and look at other people in our lives. Suddenly my week doesn't look crappy any more. It seems like a pretty good week for me compared to others. Only when I stop looking at what is going on in my life and look at what is happening in the lives of those around me can I begin feeling compassion and concern for others.
Philippians 2: 3-4 says, "Don't be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves." (the rest of that passage is really good, so take a look for yourself)
Wow! What a thought? Caring about others as much as I care about myself....had I been doing that this past week? It isn't that I don't care about others, it is that sometimes I get so caught up in caring about myself that other people are not at the forefront of my mind.
For those of you going through your own brown weeks, here is a verse to encourage you:
"The LORD will hold your hand, and if you stumble, you still won't fall." -Psalm 37:24
I also want to apologize for being self-centered the past week or two. God is working on this in my life.
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