Fears of Growing Up

As I get closer to graduation, I begin to feel overwhelmed. I am very excited about moving back home to be closer to my family and friends, but at the same time I'm saddened by the fact that I'd be leaving North Point, my friends, and even my coworkers here. I am also excited about the fact that I will have so much free time because I won't have classes and internship. No longer will I worry about on the weekends getting homework done or studying for a test. After work, I'll be able to relax. I'll be able to cook real dinners and eat real food and no longer live off of fast food.

At the same time of feeling all the excitement, I also am scared to death. Where am I going to find a job? Will I be able to find one back home? How long will that take? Will I move back home and not be able to move out on my own right away? Will I have my Master's degree and license and be living with my parents as they pay for all my bills? Should I move back home right after graduation? Should I stay at least for the summer so I can build up my savings and pay off my student loans before moving back? What do I even want to do with my degree? Do I still want to be a counselor? Do I just want to teach psychology? Will I be able to find a job in my field or will I be stuck working minimum wage as an office secretary? Is this when my life will actually begin?

I could go on and on with these questions. And as I do, I get this huge knot in my stomach. Up until this point I haven't really had to worry about what I'm going to do since all I knew was to go to school. 19 years of my life have been spent sitting in the classroom (yes I included kindergarten). God has opened up so many doors for me. I have no doubt that I'm on His path for my life. But as I inch closer and closer to graduation, I'm inching closer to closer to the end of what I can see of this path. For the first time in my life I can't say where I'll be in 5 years or even in 1 year.

I was thinking about this all last night. Up until this point, I have allowed God to guide my life. Is moving back home my plan or God's plan? I'm at a point where I don't know what God wants me to do after graduation. In my last class of the evening last night, we were talking licensure in other states other than MO. I've looked up the info in order to get my license back home. Of course I'm still waiting for my advisor to take a look at the information I found and confirm that I will be able to get my license back home with the education and experience I've gotten. From what I can tell from my own research, the only thing I'd need to really do extra is take a Substance Abuse class which isn't currently offered here. Last night Dr. Grant began talking about how he wished we offered that class and he apologized to all of us for it not being offered. He also talked about how he found someone who is willing to teach the class and if there is enough interest, they may offer it at the beginning of the summer semester and if we want to take it, we can still graduate in May and then take the class. Is God trying to tell me something? If I need this class in order to be eligible for my LPC back home, shouldn't I just stick around here for at least the beginning of the summer to take it instead of moving home right away and then having to get special permission at another school to pick up this course at a later time?

So many questions and fears. I'm almost ready to join the real world in full force. Am I going to be satisfied with what I do? The last thing I want to do is get this far in the path God has laid out only to jump off now.

So if you get to talking to me in the next several months and you ask me when I'm moving back home or if I am moving back home or what I'm going to do with my degree, I may just look down and not answer because at this point there is no definite answer. I don't know. I'm still waiting for further instruction from God.